People usually contact relationship counselors for marriage advice. They always ask what can they do to save their relationship. While the answer to their questions is not a guarantee to save their marriage, it is still a wise decision to find out if their marriage can still be improved.
Truth be told, the effectiveness of these counseling is related to the motivation level of the couple, as well as the timing. For some, it is a divorce counseling since they have already surrendered and thrown in the towel. For example, one or both parties may have already decided to have a divorce and end the marriage, and they use the session as a way to announce the separation to their partner.
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Sometimes, the issue in the marriage can be too longstanding and ingrained for the counseling to work. For other people, they do not honestly share the concerns with the counselor or therapist. Furthermore, it is imperative to choose an expert in this type of situation who have tons of experience working with married couples, and someone who is an excellent fit for you and your partner. If both parties do not feel comfortable with the counselor, it can hurt the process of one party may drop out without even completing the session.
It is an essential element when it comes to whether marriage counseling will work or not. The bad news is, a lot of couples wait too long to seek professional help to repair their relationship. According to union and relationship experts, most couples wait more or less six years of suffering and unhappiness before seeking professional advice.
Imagine this – couples have at least six years to build up anger and resentment before they start the vital work in learning to resolve differences with their partners ineffective and civil ways. For example, a couple sat down on the counselor’s sofa and started sharing their long-standing problem over how to manage their money and finances.
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Whether or not the wife could return to college to help obtain a degree in marketing so she can change her career. The couple has the same argument over the years with no resolution. The woman has been working in a nursing home for fifteen years, and she hates her job, but the husband is blocking her attempts to enter the field that can make her life bearable and enjoyable – which is marketing.
When it is the husband’s turn to give his side on things, he says they just bought the house and have three young kids. It merely is not an excellent time for the wife to go to college and get a degree. The husband helps the wife get through her undergraduate degree in her mid-twenties when they were first married, and the wife does not even know if she will enjoy being in the marketing and sales field.
Improving the relationship
The first step in helping the couple work in improving their marriage is to encourage both parties to agree on defining what the main problem is in their union and for the two of them to start taking responsibilities for their own actions and behavior – so that they can begin communicating honestly and without lies, deceptions, or denials. But they need to have more realistic expectations because it can be very complicated to negotiate when both parties have busy careers, as well as kids. It is where marriage counseling comes into play.
Both parties must see conflict and problems as an integral part of a romantic and committed relationship. After all, every healthy relationship has its ups and downs, and not only that, conflicts go with the territory. But a lot of couples might avoid having a conflict with their partners because it might signify the end of their relationship and can lead to bitter disputes after the divorce.
According to experts, avoiding conflict can backfire when it comes to intimate relationships. Bottling up any negative feelings and thoughts does not give the other party a chance to change their conduct and behavior. On the other hand, experts warned couples that one of the secrets when it comes to romantic relationship or marriage is to learn how to choose battles wisely, and to know how to distinguish between essential issues or small ones.